Honoring the Healer | Diamond Dorris

June 19, 2018

 

 

What is your name & location?

 

my name is diamond dominique dorris. i am the author of the book "as it comes". geez that still sounds hella weird to say. like, i really wrote a book. a published piece. wow, di. that's hella cool lol. i'm also the person behind the online diary lovethediosa.com. i'm from san jose, ca, but i currently live in inglewood, ca. i can be found on twitter and instgram @lovethediosa, or anywhere baby animals and mountains are.

 

 

How do you heal yourself? What is your favorite form of self-therapy?

 

that's a good question. hmm... i have quite a few methods but they all involve me being honest, being open, holding myself accountable, and forgiving myself. speaking of forgiveness, i made that a part of my morning and night routine because i do stupid stuff every day lol. every. single. day. and every day i need to be reminded that i am a human being. i like to think that i'm perfect but that mindset makes me really hard on myself when i mess up. i out some time aside just to remind myself that i have the space to be human. it gives me time to laugh at my errors. i love meditating, but my favorite is a good breathing meditation because my mind moves faster than my body. i tend to get physical exhaustion from overthinking which leaves no time to be present. i love visualization exercises because daydreaming is my thing. my favorite form of self-therapy is writing though. i can say, without a doubt, that's how i've been able to heal these last 28 years.

 

 

When/what was the catalyst that made you start?

 

i started writing at a young age. growing up in a black christian home, i had a hard time getting out what i had to say without being talked over, or silenced because i had to stay in a child's place. when you can't get a complete thought out, there is no context. as a result i was misunderstood often. i still deal with this feeling often today because of that. i remember being told "what do you have to be sad about?" or "you're a child. you have no reason to be stressed." my feelings felt were never validated so i began to think it wasn't a big deal to discuss. no one else cares, so why should i? but i learned that if i write, you can't cut me off. you can't interrupt me. and you would have to read everything before responding. it's my favorite form of communication, and a true art form to find the words capable of articulating a thought or feeling.

 

 

How has this form of healing helped you?

 

well at first, i thought it was helping me because i was like "yes! now i'm being heard!" but i realized the healing part for me was just releasing how i felt regardless of if you read it or not. i was free from it, and that was all that mattered. if you felt i wasn't worthy enough to hear, that's fine. but i'm hearing myself more than anything now.

 

 

What is your definition of healing? (What does it look like, feel like, sound like, etc.)

 

healing for me feels like integration. a unification of every aspect of self. the alignment of mind, body, soul, etc. when all the desires and needs of all parties are the same and there's only one goal in mind, whatever it may be. healing looks like tears, anger, depression, hopelessness, laughter, heartbreak, and peace. i feel like it was all needed to guide me back to who i am. to remember who i am.

 

 

What does your process look like? (Please share what you feel comfortable sharing)

 

i don't have a formal process with healing. it's very spontaneous and can be triggered by anything really.

 

but here's a good example: my boyfriend was driving us home during thanksgiving weekend so the traffic was unbearable. typically

a drive from the bay to LA takes about 5 hours for us. but this particular drive it was about 11 pm and we still had not reached the grapevine yet (which is about an hour outside LA) and we left the bay area about 4pm. i'm talking bumper-to-bumper. this one guy was switching lanes, bobbing and weaving, driving on the shoulder, i mean it was bordering on total recklessness. mind you, it's a two lane highway and no one is going anywhere. so he switches from our left lane back to the right lane. thirty seconds later, he puts his blinker on to come back in our lane. i fixed my lips to tell my boyfriend "don't let this weirdo back in our lane, he can come in after us"... but then i stopped and was like "wait, why does that bother you so much?"

 

so i took out my phone and started writing. my first response was "what he's doing isn't safe" but i knew that wasn't it because i wasn't worried, i was angry. so i said "what's really bothering you, di?" and i began writing for real this time. i didn't let myself off the hook. i made myself be accountable for how i felt. and it turned out, i felt like he was cheating "the system" and only thinking of himself as if we all didn't want to get home by "cutting us". i felt like him breaking the rules and ending up in front of me wasn't fair. i felt like he was bullying us into letting him have his way, thus making it harder it harder for us to get home. so i asked myself "what's wrong with that? what does that mean to me if he does this?" and the answer was that i felt like him doing that made me feel worthless, and to stand up for myself i couldn't let him get away with cutting corners, especially at my expense. by me not letting him in was taking control of the situation, asserting myself, and letting him know i'm not the one *neck roll* lol.

 

meanwhile, the reality of the situation could've been that this man just got a call that someone close to him was in the hospital, or that his home was on fire, or anything really. maybe he was frantic. this whole scenario about him being a bully and me having to put an end to it was all in my head. i literally made it up, and it was just a feedback loop of childhood experiences with people finishing first by cutting corners, cheating, bullying, and intimidation which left me in positions where i lost or there wasn't enough for me. the reality of the situation was that what he was doing wasn't even effective, and neither one of us got home any faster. once i realized this, i laughed. i realized everyday we react off of stories we made up in our heads and just assume it's true. and maybe it is true, but maybe it also isn't. the story we made up still only reflects of our worldview, not theirs. it never has anything to do with them. and i had to reaffirm to myself that this is not the past. this situation has nothing to do with the past. i will still get home, and whether he got in front of us or not, i am still worthy. i still deal with it from time to time, but i know how to deal with it now.

 

 

How does it make you feel when you are healing yourself?

 

it feels like a part of me is being pieced back together. i feel calm. i feel like i'm seeing things as they are and not through my past. i can be present and make different decisions. i feel powerful.

 

 

Why is what you do so important/why is this form of self-helping important to you?

 

i held a lot of anger in my life. i thought this anger was just who i was. especially being an aries. everyone says aries are angry, and its always implied that its just who we are and without reason lol. being a black woman, i'm used to the stigma. no real depth to us, just loud and angry. but that's not true. i remember being so happy and joyful as a kid. i never wanted to fight. i was very soft and sweet, but people took advantage of that due to my poor boundaries. i had to forgive myself, and i had to let myself know how i felt was valid. i thought being the big bad wolf was me having boundaries but i was still acting out of fear. i didn't want to do that anymore. i missed being my child self. i wanted to feel like that again. healing has allowed me to see it is safe to be who i really am. i can be soft, sweet, and protected with healthy boundaries.

 

 

What is your inspiration to continue doing what you are doing? What is the fuel that keeps you going?

 

my inspiration is actually other people and myself. i understand i had to go through things so i could show others how to deal with it by being the example. no one wants to hear from someone that can't relate to how they feel, and the only way you can feel is by going through it. that's really why i'm not angry about what has happened any more. everyday i gain peace with my past every time someone tells me they needed the tweet, or quote i wrote on my social media spaces. i gain perspective every time someone posts a page from my book and says it was exactly how they felt. God used me to make the lives of others better. that's hella inspiring.

 

 

What are your visions &/or goals?

 

well, i don't have a set goal, but i do have the vision of helping others by helping myself. i feel like having a set plan or goal kind of limits me in a sense. i also realized that my plans are never as grand as God's, so i prefer not to be in charge of that. i also don't need that kind of pressure. i would love to do seminars and meet people through my book tours one day though. i would love to bring other creatives in with me on projects that can make this world a better place. i don't really have a set way to do this, but i don't feel that's up to me to worry about. i just need to be prepared to walk through the door. i'm open to all opportunities.

 

 

Tell us a fun fact about your form of healing, what it is that you do, or something people may not know.

 

even though my first official published book "as it comes" was a result of self-healing, that's technically not the first book i wrote. the first book i wrote was around 11 years old. it was about my parents being terrorist spies, beaches, underwater safe houses, cocaine, robot sharks, etc. it was really intense for an 11 year old. i had adults on the edge of their seats girl! they were just as much in awe as they were  concerned about where my head was at lol. i wrote it while i was on vacation in hawaii and i ended up using it for school project which i aced.

 

one time my teacher had an extra credit assignment in which we had to write a poem about a group of animals for this park. the winner got to have their poem bronzed on the statue about whatever animal they wrote. it was like a county wide thing or something. i wrote the poem in like 3 minutes because i didn't honestly care. i just wanted the points. i'm lying. i didn't want the points. i wrote it because my mom and teacher wanted me to so i could bring my B up to an A. i did it to shut them up lol. i ended up winning and my poem is bronzed somewhere in a park somewhere in the bay area. i never cared enough to visit. when i found out i won with that (what i felt was) lazy poem, i asked "was i the only one who submitted something?" i can't even remember what i said, but i just know it was hella basic lol. i want to say it was about a raccoon. i'll ask my mom. she keeps everything i ever did in storage. she should know.

 

 

In one sentence, what is your message to the world?

 

don't rob the word of knowing you pretending to be something else because you feel you bring nothing as you are; you don't have to bring a thing. just show up. we all are still waiting to sit with you.

 

that's three sentences but i mean... lol

 

 

Is there is anything else that you would like to share about yourself or your form of self-healing?

 

some of the most pivotal points in my life were at the lowest points in my life. even when you are out of alignment, you are never out of alignment. that same pain is where you can find your freedom once you realize it is all a program. i say that to myself a lot. it's just a program. it reminds me that i am in control, not my emotions. i can override it at anytime.

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